I will further my series by introducing the next fairly common role adopted by children of alcoholics and/or addicts; that being the Lost Child. (often referred to as the Adjuster)
They are the low-maintenance children in the family. They prefer to remain in the background. Quiet and self-entertaining, they prefer to retreat within the family system.
Hiding from the conflict in the confines of their own world, they may suffer from a lack of connectedness with their family or within their peer group. They are loners who remove themselves from the stresses of their family. They enjoy pursuits with limited social requirements like television, music, and fantasy. They like to read, draw, play in the yard, or find other ways to avoid connection with others in the family.
This is the child who may be praised for their lack of involvement. “Look at Anna. She’s such an easy child. She rarely causes problems.”
Despite being reinforced for causing no problems, they often feel unimportant. Also, despite being perceived as independent, they carry a deep sense of loneliness which may weigh them down.
The beliefs of this child include:
“If I don’t make waves, I will be safe.”
“If I don’t get involved, I won’t get hurt.”
“What good can I do in this situation?”
The purpose this child serves is to not place any demands on the family.